The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
