im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
