I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
