Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so let's talk penis.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
