Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
