you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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