Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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