I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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