I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
