you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
