I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
