i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I canāt really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You kept saying ākekeā over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case youāre wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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