SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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