You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
