I think I won the penis lottery.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
