It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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