What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
