apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
too bad you live with your parents still
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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