AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
