You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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