I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
