nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
