Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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