Define "chronic" masturbator.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
