she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
