I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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