they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
