I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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