the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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