I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
