He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
