dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Come see our sink grown plant.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
