party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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