idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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