my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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