You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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