I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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