I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
