pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
the liver wants what the liver wants
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
