And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So apparently I’m into choking now
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize