woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
