my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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