you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
