look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
