Apparently you make a good broom.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
