bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
