Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
