im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize