I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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