I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize