My boss' voice literally gives me gas
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
