Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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