Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
ok first of all what the fuck
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
