Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize