How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize