Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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