i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
