I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
