It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
