One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
