Taylor Swift is so right about you.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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