i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
