i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
