My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
