she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
