i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
