i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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