Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
