The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's shark week go big or go home
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
