If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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