I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
