The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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