He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
