So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
