whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
