4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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