I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
