there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
