There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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