from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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