I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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