The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
