mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
