I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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