they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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