My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
