i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You were trust falling into bushes
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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