Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
