walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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