Soap is not a condiment
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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