and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
