The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
