what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
