I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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