so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
