you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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