just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need to sanitize my soul.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
