She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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