Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
50% drunk capacity currently
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
