I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
