You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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