You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
