i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
