i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
