Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
