You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
