if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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