I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
